So lately life has been tough. I had my large intestine removed at 20 to hopefully prevent bowel cancer which I have a genetic predisposition for. I thought that was bad enough on top of my loss of hearing but 2years ago we found out my spine is crumbling. Then the bomb hit and my heart failed last year. Thirteen months and 3days ago I was whisked into our local coronary care unit.

At 38 you don’t expect someone to tell you that you are going to have to take tablets for the rest of your life or its game over, no curtain call, no last minute reprieve. It’s quite sobering though at the time I think I went into shock.

At the same time I was told by my employer that I had about 2years left and then would be made redundant. On top of this or perhaps because I was harassed into returning to work too soon, accepting work which was beyond me. Saying no wasn’t an option just a quick way to the dole queue.

I don’t believe I’m tough or strong or brave. I just knew I had to keep going for my little boy and my partner. So I’ve kept going but it got too much and I’m now clinically depressed. Another tablet has been added to the mix. Another part of me that needs fixing.

I don’t expect anyone else to read this. It’s more of a random story of my journey through depression. There will be days when I feel great and there will be days when I don’t recognise myself. I’m starting to understand quite how long I have suffered. This in turn means I know that recovery is unlikely but management is realistic.

The world just needs more people like piglet.